Owner: Guanubian

North American Bandy-Legged Oaf Cat Skittles

Guanubian's Profile

Gender: Male
Age: 49
Last Activity: 141 month(s) ago
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Country: United States

Guanubian's Full Profile

Guanubian's Kennel

Cat, Junkyard Cat

Cat, Flying Wallenda

Cat, North American Bandy-Legged Oaf

Pet: Skittles

Name Skittles
Nickname Skittles Paradiddles
Species Cat
Breed North American Bandy-Legged Oaf
Pet Clubs: Tuxedos unite
Cuddle Bugs
Gender Male
Country United States
Zipcode 11215
Birthdate 2002-08-03
Height 7 inches
Weight 11 pounds
Favorite Activity Sitting on my owner's face, French-kissing his ear
Favorite Park Prospect Park
Favorite Food Anything, anything at all
Favorite Treat Pit'r Pats
Favorite Toy Chester's scruff
Favorite Shows Animal Cops, Houston
Favorite Music Early French masterpieces of Integral Serialism
Favorite Movies Buttman in Budapest
Best Trick Jumping for thrown toys as high as I can, without regard for where I might land.
Worst Trick French-kissing my owner's ear until I am physically made to stop.
Favorite Moments Those crisp, cold twilight minutes in which my internal cesium clock tells me it's time to suffocate my owner until he rises to feed me.
Embarassing Moments I'm very scrappy, and act very tough. One day, though, my owner called my bluff. He stared at me maniacally, and did the gul-wiggle, I'm-going-to-pounce dance. When he pretended to pounce, I hunched and cried pathetically.
Likes eating, kissing, gnawing, making war cries, being cradled like a baby, smashing my crushed-whisker pate against your lips, The Naughty Cat Dance, flopping around oafishly in the bed, pawing at your face like a blind person with overlong claws extended
Dislikes When Chester dares to inhabit Scratch Castle's cup.
My First Day Home Chester did not fall in love with me quickly. In fact, he literally barked at me, and did other things my owner didn't realize were part of the cat repertoire. I had to be confined to a separate room, and after some time of this, I peed on the door.
Awards Sweetest Baby Award, 2005
Bio Like my womb-mate Peaches, I was born in a squalid shack to a drunken and drugged woman. Except, by the time I left, it had become a crackhouse lorded over by an abusive boyfriend. I was rescued from its basement by my owner.
About Me Give me food. Right fucking now. I will return your kindness with vomit.

Fucketh with me neither.

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